in only 21 days we own a house
woot! 

 Dear peoples. 
I am stil jobless, yes its been since nov 29th. Well thats not entirely true I had a job for 2 days but then they decided that they had hired too many people so I got axed. We have been out of town a lot through jan 2 but since then I have no excuse. I have looked, I have been on itnerviews, I am just scared as we have put another offer in on a house. 

its in plano, awesome since thats a good school district ( and I can look across the street on one side and see the elementry school and look on the other and see a huge park), awesomer since it appraises for 40,000 higher then we are paying, pool and a hot tub is a little daunting as I have lived with a pool before and know its work. its about 20 miles from here though and all the tenative job offers have been in irving, hour long commutes are bad! We will know on monday or tues if they accept the offer, its a good chance though we think. Doesn't help with the nervousness. Also with mikes new big kid job the payments shouldn't be an issue, even on the 15 year loan we are getting.

This solitude has given me an appreciation for what I have had and lost. Friends past into never. I am not a real people person... most of my bestest friends and I have exploded over something minor in retrospect. i am querky and flaky and tend to make irrational choices at the spur of the moment. It reminds me I need to show more care to people who I still have. Its just so hard the drama inbetween karl is hunters I feel guilty even talking to him. tracy is in irving and is busy with her life I feel bad bothering her much. One of my best friends from high school is in austin and its another of those dont want to impose. Most of my friends here have been tainted due to the realationship with jeff. He seems ancy around me now, and I feel weird as well.  Stevo I have seen once and I dont know that he even cares, but I feel like I have done them wrong so I act weird.

hob and greg are both fine, but gregs gone now, not that I spent much time when he was still here. that seems to be the story of my life eh? I never spend time with people when I can. Hob is a homebody like me =) its nice when he comes over, but when we move that will be gone too.

Dont get me wrong I am happy. I am with someone I love. Someone who has changed their life around a great deal for me. I am greatful for all the sacrifices he makes. I have been very lucky and most people I date have had that same willingness. I dont know what was different this time. anyway im rambling again. all my entries tend to end like that.

 The Universe speaks in many languages, but only one voice.

The language is not Narn, or Human, or Centauri, or Gaim or Minbari.

It speaks in the language of hope; It speaks in the language of trust; It speaks in the language of strength, and the language of compassion.

It is the language of the heart and the language of the soul. But always, it is the same voice. It is the voice of our ancestors, speaking through us, and the voice of our inheritors, waiting to be born.

It is the small, still voice that says: We are one.

No matter the blood; No matter the skin; No matter the world; No matter the star; We are one. No matter the pain; No matter the darkness; No matter the loss; No matter the fear; We are one.

Here, gathered together in common cause. We agree to recognize this singular truth, and this singular rule: That we must be kind to one another, because each voice enriches us and ennobles us, and each voice lost diminishes us.

We are the voice of the Universe, the soul of creation, the fire that will light the way to a better future.

We are one. "

G’Kar

Babylon 5

Holidays with the fam... first verse same as all the rest. Mike went up with me on Thurs, and it was so nice to have another sane person there with me. Then on Sunday he left to go home and I drove up with my dad while my mom took a different car. He always speaks to frankly about his search for someone to love. Sometimes its about my mom and sometimes not. So I got to hear about there not sex life with about 4 ladies and he wonders why I get so cranky. He also hit a new button when he acused me of not giving him back some of the things I was holding for him. He pondered out loud maybe if i didnt have them that some of my friends had stolen them from me. Of all the things he has done before he should have known better then this. To add to it he has gone from saying he will pay from the wedding to saying he will put in as much as he thinks is fair. Well thats nice to know that I booked a venue that was more then I can afford because I was told it would be okay. I guess everything else he has ever promised has been a lie why should i be surprised.

my sister is getting married on the 11th of jan so no one cared about anything i said about my wedding. It was bad enough when i got engaged in sept I had right about a month before she had gotten engaged as well. since then not one member of my family has give a good gosh darn about a thing to do with my wedding. I feel overlooked and am so sad. i hardly ever get really excited about things and I was and this trip has taken that all from me. maybe i'll feel differently after shes married, i tend to make a big deal out of things.

He are not the father!

We put a non-refundable deposit down on Chappelle des Fleurs today. (www.chapelledesfleurs.com). The booked date is Sept 13th that means eventually we'll have an anniversary on friday the 13th hahahahhaah. In less then a year we'll be married, scary.

engaged.... well as of last night. we were just going to have a nice night out since we never do that. the plan was dallas world aquarium three forks and then maybe out for drinks. we get to the aquarium at 4 45 and it closed at 5.  i I was a little bit of a jerk about it as i had a) asked mike if he had checked the times it was open and b) we had just paid 5 bucks for parking but I calmed down fast as he was dispraportionatly upset. so we thought maybe we would see a movie, but all the showtimes werent until 7 and dinner was reserved at 730. so in a desperate ploy to find something to do we went to gameworks for drinks. 

now recently when I have had beverages i just get sick as all get out and get no joy out of it. I took a chance as my favorite bartender of all times jason was working. the first one was strong and hit me fast. secondly i got a shot that mike wanted me to try and third i though a margarita was a great idea, but once im tipsy all drinking seems like a good idea. mike tried to ask nicely, tried to hide my drink but finally gave up and let me have it. we had a great time making fun of people and watching the UT game. then it was time to go. 

we got to 3 forks around 715 but i just had time to stop at the bathroom then we were being seated. it was about this point i realized how far into drunk i was. not gross i don't realized what is happening, but bad enough i was worried i would embarress myself at the nice resturant. i did get a glass of wine at mikes prompting. and he got a mojito. its the 2nd best one we've had-first being fogo de chow. i had the filet with asperagus and potatoes and corn and mike had an 18 oz ny strip. oh and crab cakes first sooooo good. it was like crab cakes in other places but so full of flavor goodness i though i had died and gone to heaven. 

so dinner is mostly eaten and mike goes oh i made you this card. it said you're invited on the front and inside said place in my heart and at my side time forever then there was anoter envalope inside and under it it said open and read. so i did, but it was just a yellow post it note with my name on it. so i was all what this and i look up and he's on the ground on one knee. with the box open. he actually for the first time ever got my middle name right when he asked as well. then the waiter and the manager gushed about omg and what not and gave us more booze to celebrate. i was cry and asking for reals for reals over and over like he was going to say jk haha got you. then we came home it was lovely. I was totally surprised. it was super awesome. and i though i know so much! 
  

So I'm back in a funk. I really hate this job. While washing a car the other day in the completely concrete and no shade for about 30 feet in any direction right by where the jets sit and idle so I am choking on exhaust fumes area the temp guage on the car read 114..... now granted after I moved the car to a different area it said 107 but still. Yesterday I washed four cars personally and helped with another 4. I am trying to get a new job, but am I going to be any happier? It doesn't seem really likely, but then again at least I won't be in the outside.

My parents are still trying to give me money to go back to school. Its the same problem now as it was back in the day though. I don't like anything enough to want to spend the time to get a degree. Its dumb I know but I have always been apathetic as far as school goes. That and by the time I finished any degree worth having I would want to stop and spend the next 5-10 years having and raising kids so anything I learned would be out of date by the time I wanted to use it. /sigh. 

We have stopped looking for a home as we honestly cannot afford it and while depressing its the best thing we could have done.

so in case you didn't know what you were hearing before its the world's smallest violin playing for me 

karma, some believe some don't but now I have a story that illustrates how I think it should work.

So this guy comes in to my Hertz location he is a gold member and they get a free upgrade if we have a spare car. I, in fact, have no spare full sized cars. This makes him a sad panda and when I say that what I mean is he flips out at me for like 5 minutes. Finally he gets bored and goes away. 

Not 2 minutes later he comes back in before he even speaks to me he throws a dirty wadded up paper towel on the counter and it bounces into me.... i kinda think that was the intent but either way. He starts railing about how the car is filthy and at 1/2 a tank ( which it did mention on his contract). I appologize about both and go get a senior staff member as I don't wish to talk to this man anymore. Said other staff person is a boy and offers to clean the car and gas it up. The customer is now reasonably polite and says he doesn't want to put johnaton out so if he could just put gas in it. We even only charge him for a class lower then what he got.

A few days later man comes in again, but he's in a full sized car. I ask him what happened to the one I gave him and he tells me he rolled my car on the hwy. He didn't go to the hospital, and he is talking with his insurance about them paying for it as he didn't take ours!

One might say that is horrible, but hey he got the full sized car he wanted =P

Still no house... rotating schedule due to training... went to c town to see Mike's rents, i think they like me.... i do not have to worry about adopting an 18yr old, yet.
that is all