tHe LoNg AnD wInDiNg RoAd

House

2008-01-29T17:23:57Z

in only 21 days we own a house
woot!

its been a while...

2008-01-17T18:15:50Z

Dear peoples.
I am stil jobless, yes its been since nov 29th. Well thats not entirely true I had a job for 2 days but then they decided that they had hired too many people so I got axed. We have been out of town a lot through jan 2 but since then I have no excuse. I have looked, I have been on itnerviews, I am just scared as we have put another offer in on a house.

its in plano, awesome since thats a good school district ( and I can look across the street on one side and see the elementry school and look on the other and see a huge park), awesomer since it appraises for 40,000 higher then we are paying, pool and a hot tub is a little daunting as I have lived with a pool before and know its work. its about 20 miles from here though and all the tenative job offers have been in irving, hour long commutes are bad! We will know on monday or tues if they accept the offer, its a good chance though we think. Doesn't help with the nervousness. Also with mikes new big kid job the payments shouldn't be an issue, even on the 15 year loan we are getting.

This solitude has given me an appreciation for what I have had and lost. Friends past into never. I am not a real people person... most of my bestest friends and I have exploded over something minor in retrospect. i am querky and flaky and tend to make irrational choices at the spur of the moment. It reminds me I need to show more care to people who I still have. Its just so hard the drama inbetween karl is hunters I feel guilty even talking to him. tracy is in irving and is busy with her life I feel bad bothering her much. One of my best friends from high school is in austin and its another of those dont want to impose. Most of my friends here have been tainted due to the realationship with jeff. He seems ancy around me now, and I feel weird as well. Stevo I have seen once and I dont know that he even cares, but I feel like I have done them wrong so I act weird.

hob and greg are both fine, but gregs gone now, not that I spent much time when he was still here. that seems to be the story of my life eh? I never spend time with people when I can. Hob is a homebody like me =) its nice when he comes over, but when we move that will be gone too.

Dont get me wrong I am happy. I am with someone I love. Someone who has changed their life around a great deal for me. I am greatful for all the sacrifices he makes. I have been very lucky and most people I date have had that same willingness. I dont know what was different this time. anyway im rambling again. all my entries tend to end like that.

remember

2008-01-04T21:51:56Z

The Universe speaks in many languages, but only one voice.

The language is not Narn, or Human, or Centauri, or Gaim or Minbari.

It speaks in the language of hope; It speaks in the language of trust; It speaks in the language of strength, and the language of compassion.

It is the language of the heart and the language of the soul. But always, it is the same voice. It is the voice of our ancestors, speaking through us, and the voice of our inheritors, waiting to be born.

It is the small, still voice that says: We are one.

No matter the blood; No matter the skin; No matter the world; No matter the star; We are one. No matter the pain; No matter the darkness; No matter the loss; No matter the fear; We are one.

Here, gathered together in common cause. We agree to recognize this singular truth, and this singular rule: That we must be kind to one another, because each voice enriches us and ennobles us, and each voice lost diminishes us.

We are the voice of the Universe, the soul of creation, the fire that will light the way to a better future.

We are one. "

G’Kar

Babylon 5

By Myself, but not alone.

2007-12-28T22:58:36Z

Holidays with the fam... first verse same as all the rest. Mike went up with me on Thurs, and it was so nice to have another sane person there with me. Then on Sunday he left to go home and I drove up with my dad while my mom took a different car. He always speaks to frankly about his search for someone to love. Sometimes its about my mom and sometimes not. So I got to hear about there not sex life with about 4 ladies and he wonders why I get so cranky. He also hit a new button when he acused me of not giving him back some of the things I was holding for him. He pondered out loud maybe if i didnt have them that some of my friends had stolen them from me. Of all the things he has done before he should have known better then this. To add to it he has gone from saying he will pay from the wedding to saying he will put in as much as he thinks is fair. Well thats nice to know that I booked a venue that was more then I can afford because I was told it would be okay. I guess everything else he has ever promised has been a lie why should i be surprised.

my sister is getting married on the 11th of jan so no one cared about anything i said about my wedding. It was bad enough when i got engaged in sept I had right about a month before she had gotten engaged as well. since then not one member of my family has give a good gosh darn about a thing to do with my wedding. I feel overlooked and am so sad. i hardly ever get really excited about things and I was and this trip has taken that all from me. maybe i'll feel differently after shes married, i tend to make a big deal out of things.

Woot!!!

2007-10-24T14:43:37Z

He are not the father!

Done, Done, and Done!

2007-09-29T17:50:16Z

We put a non-refundable deposit down on Chappelle des Fleurs today. (www.chapelledesfleurs.com). The booked date is Sept 13th that means eventually we'll have an anniversary on friday the 13th hahahahhaah. In less then a year we'll be married, scary.

engaged i r

2007-09-17T02:42:22Z

engaged.... well as of last night. we were just going to have a nice night out since we never do that. the plan was dallas world aquarium three forks and then maybe out for drinks. we get to the aquarium at 4 45 and it closed at 5. i I was a little bit of a jerk about it as i had a) asked mike if he had checked the times it was open and b) we had just paid 5 bucks for parking but I calmed down fast as he was dispraportionatly upset. so we thought maybe we would see a movie, but all the showtimes werent until 7 and dinner was reserved at 730. so in a desperate ploy to find something to do we went to gameworks for drinks.

now recently when I have had beverages i just get sick as all get out and get no joy out of it. I took a chance as my favorite bartender of all times jason was working. the first one was strong and hit me fast. secondly i got a shot that mike wanted me to try and third i though a margarita was a great idea, but once im tipsy all drinking seems like a good idea. mike tried to ask nicely, tried to hide my drink but finally gave up and let me have it. we had a great time making fun of people and watching the UT game. then it was time to go.

we got to 3 forks around 715 but i just had time to stop at the bathroom then we were being seated. it was about this point i realized how far into drunk i was. not gross i don't realized what is happening, but bad enough i was worried i would embarress myself at the nice resturant. i did get a glass of wine at mikes prompting. and he got a mojito. its the 2nd best one we've had-first being fogo de chow. i had the filet with asperagus and potatoes and corn and mike had an 18 oz ny strip. oh and crab cakes first sooooo good. it was like crab cakes in other places but so full of flavor goodness i though i had died and gone to heaven.

so dinner is mostly eaten and mike goes oh i made you this card. it said you're invited on the front and inside said place in my heart and at my side time forever then there was anoter envalope inside and under it it said open and read. so i did, but it was just a yellow post it note with my name on it. so i was all what this and i look up and he's on the ground on one knee. with the box open. he actually for the first time ever got my middle name right when he asked as well. then the waiter and the manager gushed about omg and what not and gave us more booze to celebrate. i was cry and asking for reals for reals over and over like he was going to say jk haha got you. then we came home it was lovely. I was totally surprised. it was super awesome. and i though i know so much!

Can you hear what I hear?

2007-08-17T13:22:19Z

So I'm back in a funk. I really hate this job. While washing a car the other day in the completely concrete and no shade for about 30 feet in any direction right by where the jets sit and idle so I am choking on exhaust fumes area the temp guage on the car read 114..... now granted after I moved the car to a different area it said 107 but still. Yesterday I washed four cars personally and helped with another 4. I am trying to get a new job, but am I going to be any happier? It doesn't seem really likely, but then again at least I won't be in the outside.

My parents are still trying to give me money to go back to school. Its the same problem now as it was back in the day though. I don't like anything enough to want to spend the time to get a degree. Its dumb I know but I have always been apathetic as far as school goes. That and by the time I finished any degree worth having I would want to stop and spend the next 5-10 years having and raising kids so anything I learned would be out of date by the time I wanted to use it. /sigh.

We have stopped looking for a home as we honestly cannot afford it and while depressing its the best thing we could have done.

so in case you didn't know what you were hearing before its the world's smallest violin playing for me

karma 4 teh win

2007-08-17T13:04:55Z

karma, some believe some don't but now I have a story that illustrates how I think it should work.

So this guy comes in to my Hertz location he is a gold member and they get a free upgrade if we have a spare car. I, in fact, have no spare full sized cars. This makes him a sad panda and when I say that what I mean is he flips out at me for like 5 minutes. Finally he gets bored and goes away.

Not 2 minutes later he comes back in before he even speaks to me he throws a dirty wadded up paper towel on the counter and it bounces into me.... i kinda think that was the intent but either way. He starts railing about how the car is filthy and at 1/2 a tank ( which it did mention on his contract). I appologize about both and go get a senior staff member as I don't wish to talk to this man anymore. Said other staff person is a boy and offers to clean the car and gas it up. The customer is now reasonably polite and says he doesn't want to put johnaton out so if he could just put gas in it. We even only charge him for a class lower then what he got.

A few days later man comes in again, but he's in a full sized car. I ask him what happened to the one I gave him and he tells me he rolled my car on the hwy. He didn't go to the hospital, and he is talking with his insurance about them paying for it as he didn't take ours!

One might say that is horrible, but hey he got the full sized car he wanted =P

happy being nekkid eating cheese, no for reals

2007-07-25T22:36:58Z

Still no house... rotating schedule due to training... went to c town to see Mike's rents, i think they like me.... i do not have to worry about adopting an 18yr old, yet.
that is all

Yummy Souls!!!!

2007-06-15T15:48:25Z

http://gucomics.com/comic/?cdate=20070605

Last day at old work, new job starts monday. Hope it good times.

another day older and deeper in debt

2007-06-12T14:40:24Z

another day another house to put a bid on... Im freaking out. I can make the payments alone working the new job in all its pay cutting glory if I ate ramon and lived by candle light. Heres to hoping I dont run off the current help and find more people willing to live at the mini commune.

the changes change too!

2007-06-08T17:52:00Z

SInce I was told to keep the updates flowing so people have something to read I will, but no complaining about how boring i am!

Oh nos... so we already had to scrap the carrollton house. The foundation was too bad to pass FHA inspection and as that is the only loan we can get mike approved on, so we had to pass. The other two we are looking at are nicer, and 20 grand more =/. We are looking into roomates to help spread the cost around. That is a never ending adventure.

In other news I took a pee test this morning, and the trough they gave me was larger then my bladder. So the first round didnt even fill it up halfway. It took me over an hour more to get enough of a sample to turn it in. I was amazed they let me try multiple times. Here's hoping the lab techs have an open mind. All the drugs in there are legal, but there are kinda a lot due to the meds from LASIK.

It smells like pizza, I think I will go have lunch.

Time may change me

2007-06-06T16:31:00Z

So Mike and I put in an offer for a 2,700 sq ft home in carrollton. Im quiting my job here about a week before the time they are likely firing me. There was talk about keeping me on but f this drive. 25 miles each way every day. The house is 5 miles away from my new job. going from base 14 to base 10.50 is scary, but at least there will be commisions. Sometimes I stop and ask myself what the hell I am doing... then agian why do I need an answer?

wheee

2007-06-04T17:40:00Z

So Matt is in town and has brought tidings of Ivy being 6 months pregnant. Please recall my thoughts on the subject. Email for details.

Lasik, aka I gots infected with the rage!

2007-05-30T19:21:55Z

     So my mommy wanted to get me something nice for my birthday... that was in January. I heard an ad on the radio for 1200 bucks off LASIK with Dr Boothe so I called. Let me just say they do so much business that they don’t make any allowances for your schedule. Appointments for a pre-screening are 9 to 6 Monday through Friday. I mentioned that I work and were there any other options. I was asked to call back when my scheduled changed! Still I am stubborn so I took a day off and screening took right about 4 hours.
     First they talk to me about it the cost and process. Then came the testing. Oh the testing. There were pictures taken of my eyeballs, vision testing, and old school glaucoma test. For those of you not familiar with it, its a pen shaped thing that they have to touch to the front of your eyeball. Also you have to be looking right at them when this happens. I hate things in my eyes and worse then that is the looking at the thing in my eye. They dilated my eyeballs to the size of plates and walked me into the surgery area. There they put clamps on my eyelids to hold them open and stabbed me about 15 times in each eye with a device that tells them how thick my cornea is so they know how deep to cut later. After all that I scheduled an app to get the party started and left.
     Day of surgery! I'm running late, surprise right? I get there at 3:15 ish and first thing they do is give me Ativan 1mg and take away my glasses. I hate not being able to see its not okay. Then the tech gives me numbing drops and when I ask why what I hear is "We are going to have the Dr drill holes into your eyes." I tell him I think that’s an awful idea and I want none of it. He then explains that what he actually said was "We are going to have the dr draw holes on your eyes"... still not good but better minus the drilling. Tech Bob explains to me that they have to do that so that they know where to put the corneal flap back down. Still let me tell you that magic marker on your eyeball is no fun. It’s hard to get the dye to take so they had to rub really hard, that and we have already talked about things in my eye. In the end the Dr ends up straddling me holding my head. Good Times.
     Finally off to sit in the waiting room some more. When they drop me off the tech says “The next time we call you it will be for surgery.” Then I freak out. It’s been an hour since they gave me the meds, meds should only take 45 min to work. I am not remotely relaxed. So I go to the nurses’ station and try to explain things to the woman I find there. I doubt she is a nurse as she is 20 ish bleached blond hair with cute butterfly clips and more make-up on then I use in a month. I tell her I know pills and I should be okay, but I’m not. She needs to talk to someone about getting me some more pills. During this I start bawling she tells me it’s only been 20 minutes since they gave me the pills... I got there at 3:15 took the pill and now its 4:20 ... weird seemed like more then 20 minutes to me, but I go because I do what I’m told.
     Sure enough 10 minutes later tech Bob comes to get me for surgery. He puts me in the surgery room where people are about to get lazered and then they turn the lights off. “Keep your eyes shut” he tells me, “the cold will dry out your eyes.” He puts a blanket over me and goes back out. Then they start the next surgery and the noise....it’s like a tiny machine gun, metallic and loud. I start crying again. No one told me about the sound and its dark and I’m supposed to keep my eyes shut.
     When they are done with that guy they turn the lights on and notice that I am bawling. They take me back out and put me in an exam room. The first guy that hasn’t been in scrubs all day then shows up to talk to me. He sends the blonde who told me I didn’t need more meds to interrupt Dr Boothe in surgery and ask him if I can have more meds. She comes back and said he said ok. Then she gets to go back again and get it in writing since it’s a controlled med.
     Another guy in scrubs gives me a 1/2 mg of Ativan and leaves me alone. Then undefined amount of time later off to surgery again. This time my seat is taken by another blanketed closed eyed person waiting to get lasered. I am confused but before I ask can ask tech Bob, tech not Bob tells me to get on the table. It was for the best, less time to get nervous. So I ask “What’s gonna happen?” tech not Bob says “Corneal flap.” To which I reply “Duh... I mean what’s going to happen?” “It’s like when you rub your eyes real hard and your vision goes black for a minute.” He says it like he’s telling me what he cereal he had for breakfast. “WHAT?!?! You weren't going to mention that before you did it?” I sounded like a pouty 3 year old, but I think that was fair. He just shrugged and the Dr came back in.

They put the clamps on my eyes and rotate the chair so I’m under the machine. Its like looking at the underside of a hollow pyramid but with rounded edges. Also they have lights inside it up the walls of the machine. I can see a reflection of my eye there is a horrible pressure, I see blood, and then nothing. Now if tech not Bob hadn’t mentioned that darkness I would’ve started screaming and kicking… lucky for them I ask questions. The other eye hurts much worse but is uneventful.

They rotate me out of the machine and walk me over to another chair. I am told again to keep the eyes close, but this time I listen as I don’t want my corneas flapping around. A few minutes later the put me on another machine and another clamp then a new kind of fuzzy as they lift my cornea off my eyeball. That horrible sound starts up with the flashing lights. Rinse repeat done.

I am then helped up and told to keep my eyes closed until I am told otherwise. Then I am lead to the recovery room, which is really just another waiting room. It seems they had learned something about me as Mike was in that room less then 30 sec later. I don’t know how long I had to keep my eyes closed but somehow when we left it was 715. Geez. In the parting spiel I was told I had to stay up for 3 hours to do drops. What happened was we ate wings, this I vaguely remember. Then I slept on the couch as Mike woke me up every 10 minutes for drop administration.

Once the 3 hours is past Mike helped me tape hard plastic shells to my face so I couldn’t touch my eyes. Then I went to bed and slept pretty well… then I woke up to go to the bathroom. My eyes were stuck shut from the gunk and boogers. Well I freaked out again, but I did it quietly so not to wake mike between crying and drops I got them back open after a few minutes. When I got up and pulled the shells off I got my first good look at my eyes. The part they cut and lazered looked fine, the suction had broken a lot of capillaries and I looked like I had the rage virus. Anyway follow up was fine and all that’s left to do is drops into infinity. I just wanted to let everyone know how much fun LASIK is.

Dear God

2007-05-02T15:52:33Z

Thanks for all your support recently, and when I say support i mean kicks to the face. I understand the losing my wallet with my 4 credit cards the social secuirty card and the drivers license. That was a learning experiance, but this losing the credit card again less then 2 weeks later thats not nice. Please watch over the person that has it cause they did a stupid thing doing this when i was angery. Also i hope they save a lot of money with their petco pals card so that I can track them down and return the excitement i have felt to them. Who really buys pet supplies with their stolen cc? Anyway God thats all unless you want to have them die in a fire, I'd like that.
Thanks
Lillian

Im angery dont poke me

2007-04-25T15:01:46Z

So I had strep all last week it started on friday I was taking antibiotics by sat night. I dragged myself to work on monday surviving on cough drops and stubornness, but it was no better. Thats unusual as normally by day three things are looking up with pills. Monday night Mike and I went to the urgent care center. I have been paying for insurance since jan, but somehow after 4 requests for new cards i still cant get them. It cost 150 bucks, but the dr gave me enough samples to fix everything. Turns out mike had strep too so we fixed him up as well.
I missed the next 4 days of work sitting home alternating between staring at the wall and sleeping like a good sick person. Well I did that up to friday, it was Tracy's B-day so we went to le zoo then I came home and drove to SA to see mine and mike's fam. My parent always stress me out, no doubt, but things are rough currently and it hit me in all the wrong places. To make matters worse I left my wallet at a subway we stopped at on the way down there. It is never to be seen again. That means my id, cc's and sscard all out in the wide world. Also means no money or way to get money.
Fast forward to monday, mike slept on the couch but i am still not sleeping well. First day back at work in a week and i am beat down in all senses of the word. I make sandwiches for dinner as I cant find the care to make something. I pass out. Mike is a little congested from hanging out with Tony in the smoking section so I kick him out at about 5 so I can sleep. Tues awesome i still feel like death and I am still a jerk since Im jumpy as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. We go out with Tony and Angie for dinner and I get money from him. That makes life a little less concerning. Come home pass out. Mike comes to bed a little later and by 1245 I am banging my head against the head board. I go "sleep" on the couch, but I am a lite sleeper so everything wakes me up. 515 rolls around I still havent been alseep long enough to get any kind of dreams happening so i go back to bed. Then I try the earplugs, most times the dont work, but im desperate.
Victory!!! I was out so soundly I didnt even hear mike get up and leave for work. I get up still tired as heck but with enough sleep under my belt i feel like I can get through the day and then it starts again with the pain. I get told that my dishes, all maybe 2 plates and one glass and a few forks.... have been staring at him for a week and can he please wash them. Considering how many times I wash all the dishes, and thats most of the time, I wanted to slap the taste out of his mouth... I politely mentioned that I would wash them when i got home. I have never seen him vacuum, never seen him dust, never seen him straighten the living room...all of which i do on a weekly (sometimes bi-weekly) basis even during the week I was sick, and I think its rotten to jump on me after the week I have had.
anyway sorry about the tangent, just wanted to blather a bit and let poeople know what ive been up to

watch me go all emo

2007-03-17T14:17:20Z

So i know very few of mikes friends have enough care to like me. Im used to it. Im shy around strangers, am quirky when i do finally get comfortable enough to talk and mike fell into a hole when we got together so everyone blamed me. Lately I have been getting better, asking to go out ,trying to be more a social butterfly, working hard to be excepted by his friends.
So there was this party. a good chunk of the friend base was going, we were originally told by another person. Apperently when mike talked to the host she said I could go if thats what it took to get mike there, but she didnt like me. that was hard on me. but all i really need is a chance and then if people still dont like me its my own fault. Last night we were told i am disliked so much I am not allowed at her party.
I was crushed. all of the people that do like me will be there. It opened my eyes to the fact that Im really really disliked, and thats my #1 fear in life. Not only am i not invited but they made a really big deal of mike coming. at this point I cry like a baby for about an hour. I have never had anyone make such a big show of excluding me. it feels like someone has punched my in the face over and over.
the worst part is i want to appoligize to them for being me i want to make them like me i want to promise i can be someone they can tolerate. mike wont let me or thats what i would be doing now. jeez im crying again 12 hours later. I dont want to break up friendships. i dont know what to do.

good morning world hear me ....type

2007-03-01T21:42:31Z

I was looking over my ramblings and realized that I have not really talked about anything connected directly to my life since well oct. In reality there is nothing much to say, I’m exhausted all the time. The new job, well new at the end of dec, is still pretty good. Days keep going by without much difference between them. On the bad day it’s slow and time drags and on the good days I am late to breaks as the time just disappears. It actually pharmacy tech stuffs, which is a nice change. It is way different then working in my parents’ store (surprise!) I take inbound calls, like I did at GE, except people ask about their meds. Often times I am not allowed to answer and have to get a pharmacist. That gets old on the days we are busy or low on them. I have waited 15 minutes in que to have a rph come over and tell people that the dr wrote the rx for 1 pill a day. Caremark’s policy is that tech’s cannot tell the ppt anything about the med str, directions, or clinical counseling.

In other news, I always say I feel old but I think that is wrong. I believe a better way to convey my state of mind is to say that I think I feel like I’m wasting the time I have. People say where did the week, month year, go? I feel like I took a wrong turn somewhere around the end of high school and suddenly ended up here. I’m 27, childless, home (a dwelling I own, or make payments to get to the owning) less, and still unmarried. Worse is everyone that I am running into from my past seems to have gotten farther on the path to "winning" the game of life then me. I mean at the park last Sunday seriously it made me want to cry. I realize at this point I am just whining, but heck you came here! You asked for this! Please feel free to do something else with your time.

I’m not unhappy per se, I just want to skip all this middle stuff and get to the living. I guess I am afraid that I’ll never get to what I feel is the real living. In fact now that I’ve said it it seems like that’s my problem. I woke up and realized in waiting for the good stuff I’ve missed a lot of my life. I don’t know what to do really about it.

i stole it...

2007-02-20T19:57:40Z

Zach
You scored 37 Idealism, 66 Nonconformity, 50 Nerdiness

You gotta embrace your inner freak. 'Cause the only thing you'll regret is denying who you really are.Congratulations, you're Zach! You're nerdy, strange, slightly snarky, and proud of it! You're also a nice guy and really trustworthy friend. Any cheerleader (or, well, anyone) should consider his or herself extremely fortunate to be friends with a person like you. Your best quality: You're an all-around great friend Your worst quality: You don't get along well with annoying little brothers

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Idealism

You scored higher than 99% on Nonconformity

You scored higher than 99% on Nerdiness

Link: The Heroes Personality Test written by freedomdegrees on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

finish the sentance

2007-02-20T17:31:23Z

Finish each sentence as if you wrote it yourself. Some may be uncomfortable, but you'll manage.

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss...
would've been better if the other person was fully awake =P

2. I am listening to ...
the melodius strains of people talking on phones

3. I talk...
before I think

4. I worry...
about things that are not relavent

5. My best friend(s)...
now makes bad-ass cookies

6. My first real kiss ...
has been lost over the ages, dont remember who when or how

7. I want to...
have a career as opposed to a job

8. I hate it when people ask...
for things they arent willing to give

9. Love is ...
a lot of work

10. Marriage is ...
forever

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking .....
about ways to make the flying cars i was promised

12. I'll always...
doubt myself

13. I have a secret crush...
on babies

14. The last time I cried was because...
i felt disliked

15. My house phone is...
so if i have a 911 emergency the police can find me

16. When I wake up in the morning...
realize there is one less day to go

17. Before I go to bed ...
I spend some time talking about what happened over the day and tying up lose ends of thoughts and conversations

18. Right now I am thinking about...
how i hope i dont get a call until i am done with this survay

19. Babies are...
slowly eating my soul

20. I go on livejournal...
to see what everyone is up too

21. Today I...
am eating way too much snack food because my lunch isnt appealing

22. Tonight I will ...
um its tuesday...so sit home and play wow

23. Tomorrow I will be ...
maybe going to the londoner it seems to be the new weds thing to do

24. I really want to be...
settled

25. Someone who will most likely repost this is...
no one looks at this... but if tracy sees it she might

balls

2007-02-15T20:51:00Z

So once upon a time, in a land far, far away (otherwise known as Plano 2006) I worked for a small mail order pharmacy called SigmaRx. It downsized in Feb 06 and I was cut, but I left my 401k in the hands of the firm that Sigma had hired as they were fabulous at managing the account. According to the paper work we were fully vested from the get-go, so I never imagined that the company could touch it. This morning I checked the mail on the way to work. I got a letter from the firm but I assumed it was just tax documentation. When I got to work I opened it so I wouldn’t spend the day imagining it was something bad instead (yes I am a nut job) The letter, in fact, did show that my account had been closed out and asked me to call if I hadn’t close it.

I called the number and told them I didn’t authorize this and they informed me that sigma closed my account for me, but did not know where the money, all 2800 of it, went to. They had a contact number for Craig Presnall. He is among other things an unethical person and the guy who ran sigma into bankruptcy. I tried the number but instead of ringing it just hung up on me, over and over and over. By this time I am late for work, so I rush in and slog through the next two hours. I can’t focus for a hill of bean so I make stupid mistakes, people get frustrated, and I get yelled at a lot.

My break finally rolls around and I call Brad, he stayed on at Sigma after the cuts. He and another lady that stayed haven’t gotten W-2’s (until that moment I hadn’t thought about the fact that I hadn’t gotten one either) or 401k infos. Everyone that used to work for the company won’t return brad’s calls now. Nearly frantic I call my temp agency; I know they have the number for the head pharmacist that worked at sigma. She always did like me and maybe she knows something. Work is nice enough to give me the main number for the place she works now, since they couldn’t give me her personal number. Now we wait for her to call back. In the meantime there has been a suggestion to tell the irs I dont know how to do my taxes since my money was taken and let them find it. I dont even know. /sigh times are tough

getting up is hard to do

2006-08-07T18:24:25Z

so its one twenty and Im awake again. I got up at 6, 9, and 10 then after he left I went to sleep again. the only reason Im up is someone called and wanted lunch. You know what dream I was having? I dreamed I was at heb and that I was in the checkout line. My 6th grade teacher was the checker. I was homeschooled in 6th grade, thats why thats wierd. she rally sucked at her job. I thought the total should be 11 but it was 20 so i gave her a twenty not wanting to argue. she had to go get change as she thought it was a hundred. I didnt aregue when I got the change. I went to repack my cart. I crushed the flowers. I knew i shouldve grabbed more boxxed wine so I looked at it longingly. then the phone. damn the phone I was just going to get my wine.
what is it about my life that is so depressing that I would rather stay in that world then this one? I want to be adventuresome. I want to wander. I want to be a person people envy because my life is so exciting. I want to be commited to something even if its just an idea. I am tired of going through the motions of being alive. Whats the good in it if I am so apathetic? There has to be more.

snap crackle pop

2006-08-06T22:57:45Z

something in my head. it was a monday. was it just the color of my hair? only the trees understand I think, and no one understands the trees.